Leaving on a jet plane....

So, here's my last post from Mountain View. Although don't stop reading next week, as I'll be blogging about the crazy shit in London then! Provided I can stay awake long enough to write stuff. Dreading the jetlag already, as I'm fully acclimatised to Mountain View time now. For instance, right now I'm just starting to feel sleepy and it's 11.44pm. Which is 7.44am in England. I need to be at work on Monday at 8.30am for my London induction. Which means I'm going to need to get the 7.15am train from Cambridge, so will have to get up at 6am or thereabouts. Which is 10pm over here. So I need to get up just as I'd be going to bed. However I look at this, it's not going to be good. Oh well. As long as I can make it in on Monday, I'm sure I'll survive... Lots of Pepsi Max. Maybe a cheeky Red Bull. Assuming I don't die trying to ride to the station in the morning due to excessive amounts of fro yo and lemon cheese pockets blocking my arteries...
The chefs must have known I was leaving, as there were lemon cheese pockets this morning at breakfast. Good job as I needed them to fuel what ended up being a really hectic day. There were problems with the UK site, so had to fix them. Then had some last minute panicky training on changing countries on my phone so I can test all the different versions of the store from the UK. Unfortunately as part of the process of setting my phone up with the test environments, all my stuff on it got wiped, including today's photos. But you probably don't want to see the gorgeous blue skies this morning, the palm trees, etc. as you all shiver in the snow. I'm on my way back. I'll be feeling your pain very soon.
Anyway, my training was finally done at 6pm tonight, as we struggled to get the thing to work. All good in the end. I came home with the Japanese version of the store on it. And managed to swap it back with the UK one all on my own. So that was a bit of a result!! I have the technology....
Had a lovely final lunch in the cafe with a load of the team. Feel really sad to be leaving, although there's talk of me coming back in February. Hurrah! Mostly cos January is already starting to look pretty rammed for me. It's a good feeling being busy again. Just need to make sure it doesn't get too crazy. Want to try and time my visit with the annual Google skiing trip - some crazy two day trip to the mountains for ski fun. Gotta be done really. So Midem at the end of January in France, then skiing in Feb. And fuckloads of work. Work hard, play hard, blah blah blah.
More meetings in the afternoon, and then the final TGIF of the year. There was a real buzz about this one, as it was the one in which Googles Xmas present to its staff was to be announced / given out. Last year everyone got $1,000 cash in hand and a 10% pay rise, so anticipation was high! We're all sworn to secrecy about what it is, so I can't divulge. Sorry. And actually after queuing up with all my colleagues, I found out I couldn't have mine til I get back to London as it'll be waiting for me there. I felt like the really bad kid at Xmas!! Santa didn't have anything for me :o( And after all I've done in the spirit of Google Xmas this week. Fuck you Santa.
The huge queues and huge amounts of people meant I didn't see most people for proper goodbyes, which was probably for the best, as I was getting quite emotional about going! Plus it's not like I'm leaving the company. I'm just moving to another office in a completely different timezone. I'll see them all again soon.
For some weird reason my GBus shuttle home tonight went missing. So i was stood outside waiting for 40 minutes. I couldn't help but feel that this was Google's way of making it clear that I shouldn't leave! That and the fact that England is covered in snow.... Nah, don't worry, I'm coming home. Can't miss seeing you all at Xmas. If anyone fancies seeing if I can stay awake for 30 hours straight (my current plan is to try and stay awake until Sunday night then pass out), I'm aiming to be in the Old Spring falling asleep face first in a chicken and bacon ciabatta on Sunday evening around 7pm if you want to come in and stick chips up my nose. Failing that, I'll see you all over the next couple of weeks to bore you all senseless banging on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how amazing the last three weeks of my life have been.
All packed up now, apart from this laptop obviously. I have three huge bags to get back. Paid the excess in advance. God knows how I'm going to get them all out of the apartment and down to the street for my taxi. Hopefully he'll give me a hand. Oh well, I'll find out tomorrow. If I end up crushed by a case full of Xmas shopping, you'll just have to share the stuff out between yourselves. I think you'll be able to work out who gets what....
See you all very very soon
Woo hoo! I'm coming home!
H xxxxx

Googly Eyed

Tired again tonight. Starting to look forward to coming home. Although I then have a week of chaos in London before Xmas kicks in. I hope you're all looking forward to me coming to visit, dumping your presents and then going to sleep in a chair somewhere!! My brain is pretty much full to bursting to the point where I start to panic, thinking I'm never going to remember everything I've learnt, and that it'll all fall out of my brain about halfway across the Atlantic. I'm sure it'll all be fine, I just need to calm down, stop panicking and think before I do anything! Obviously the complete antithesis to my usual modus operandi, but hey, a girl can change...
On the subject of my transformation, I finally got to grips with my shiny new Galaxy Nexus today. Holy crap it's good! My iPhone suddenly seems really dull and clunky. After years of being pissed off with the shit camera on the iPhone, this one is fucking ace! It does ace panorama shots for starters... Here's outside Building 44 this morning, with the remnants of yesterday's snow...

And here's the 1st floor Android shrine

It's just so much smoother than my iPhone. And all the things that I hated about my iPhone seem to be so much better on it. I realise I sound like I've been brainwashed. But I am genuinely impressed by it. Maybe I have been cloned. Maybe I'm the Helenbot, pre-programmed to love all things Android. Who knows... That said, looking on-line, it does seem to not just be me who rates it. Or maybe there are armies of clones out there.... 

Anyway, it wasn't that sunny today. I think Google are controlling the weather to make sure my transition home is as painless as possible. I think it had even been raining overnight. Tsch! There was still some snow outside the office, which was now confusing passersby as it looked like it had just snowed in one tiny corner of Mountain View overnight.... 

Worked my arse off today, as I tried to ensure I have everything I need to be able to do my job when I get back to London next week. I'm sure it'll all be fine (repeat 100 times). Went for lunch in our cafe today, as I need to get my final fixes of fro yo before I leave! There was a yummy chicken dish on the menu today, with sushi

The fro yo selection was pretty odd today. I ended up going for lemon and olive oil (with added triple threat cookies - white chocolate, milk chocolate and caramel)

The other flavour on offer was chocolate with chili and ginger. It was like ice-cream fire. My eyes watered and I couldn't stop coughing. Bad fro yo. Clearly another part of Google's plan to ease my transition back across the Atlantic.
More than the food, though, I'll really miss the people. The team here are great, and I'm pretty much going to be on my own, apart from Tim who was over last week, back in London town. That said, a lot of them are coming over in January for Midem, so I'll see some of them then. And I'm sure I'm going to have to come back over a few times next year, so that'll be cool. But I will be really sad to say goodbye tomorrow.
Didn't have time to go on a voyage of discovery today, cos I had waaaay too much to do, so I finally tried on the giant trainers that I walk past on my way to my desk every morning. No idea where they came from or why, but they are very big....

And there were honey bears in the kitchen. I don't really like honey. But even I'd be tempted to buy it if it came in a bear....

Right, need to go and do some packing, sort out some paperwork, and get ready for my last day. Sad face. But then I'm coming home and will get to see all my lovely friends again. Happy face. And then it's Chriiiiiiiiistmaaaaaaaaassssssssss!! See, plenty of reasons to be cheerful.
See y'all soon
Helenbot xxx

No Dignity, No Doubt.

Sorry for not updating this last night, but I had a late one at work. Had to launch a big 99p movie rental promo for the UK Android Store. It should have been pretty straightforward, but as the day progressed I discovered I didn't have all the right passwords or tools at my disposal to get everything done myself. So it all got a bit stressful and the learning curve suddenly got very steep. Added to this the fact that I'd woken up feeling almost hungover - it was that weird feeling that you get when you've done something the night before that you were really ashamed about - like getting hammered and passing out in a pool of your own vomit with your pants round your ankles. For example. Anyway, I've not had a drink since early August, so it obviously wasn't that. It was the shame of song!!
Still all's well that ends well and the thing went live in the early hours of the morning in the UK. It meant I got back late and shattered, and actually with not much to talk about, so no update. However, LOADS has happened today, so I've got lots of photos and some further humiliation to share with you all...
Our building looked like a crime scene this morning, as it was all cordoned off with tape. I did wonder what was going on. Turns out it was being turned into a winter wonderland for the final scene of the Android Xmas Video thing.
By the time we all went out for lunch, the snow machine was in full flow, covering the front low with snow. Not fake foamy stuff, but actual snow!

They obviously had a while to go, so we hopped on Google bikes and headed over to the main building for lunch. I actually managed to find one with brakes. And it was pink. Result.

Went for one of the more healthy options on site - a place called Nourish, that serves really amazing fresh and natural stuff. Trying to start being a bit more healthy now I'm heading home. Convinced I'm going to keel over from a heart attack on Monday morning when I get back on my bike and head to Cambridge train station. There's a good 2 inches of fro yo surrounding my heart at the moment.... Anyway, here's Nourish

As it was such a lovely day (despite the snow!) we sat outside Big Table (one of the other restaurants). In December. It's doing my head in!! Even more nuts, I had to programme some Summer promos for the Australian site today. I have no idea where I am, what time it is, what season it is or anything anymore. I thought Google would make me smarter. It's made me even more dumb... So here's the lovely scene outside Big Table at lunch time

We then went on a hunt to ride the slide, go to the Google photo booth and find other crazy shit. Only the slide was shut and the photo booth wasn't working. Google fail. That's it. I quit! I can't work under these primitive conditions.... Here I am sad that the slide is shut

And here I am in the Google Voice phone booth

By the time we got back to our building, the snow was starting to pile up

They basically made it by loading huge blocks of ice into a chipper machine, which then sprayed snow out. Just like this.... In go the ice blocks

Out comes the snow

It still wasn't ready for us to go and play on, so we went back in to do some work and have pudding. On today's menu was Midnight Pie and Chocolate Shortbread. It's not really surprising my jeans seem to be a little snugger than when I first arrived here....

Some new Android signs have appeared on the landing upstairs. No idea where they came from. But here I am with one, and my plate of pie.

We then got told we could go outside and play in the snow. There was a van giving out gingerbread, hot chocolate, candy canes and other Christmas delights. And then they broke out the wardrobe girls again. Turns out we had to dress up like twats again, but at least this time there were a lot more of us. It could have been worse.... I could have been this person -

I think I got off kind of lightly....

And then it all went wrong again.... They need four people to be human microphones in the crowd for the big finale singalong of Jingle Bells. The soundman recognised me from Monday, and roped me in. We got strategically placed in the crowd, mic'd up, and with earphones with the tune pumping through. So far not so bad. But then they decided that the four of us should lead the singing. By singing the verses on our own, with the rest of the crowd joining in on the chorus. So there I am, stood in a crowd of people having to sing all on my own. I felt so humiliated. My Converse were full of snow and freezing cold. Some little shit kid threw a snowball at me... I was at an all-time low! I also realised halfway through the verse that I didn't know the fucking words after "laughing all the way", and I'd been so traumatised by having to laugh at this point in the singing on Monday, that I'd totally blanked out what happened next. So I'm stood in a crowd of silent people singing as loud as I can with "bells on the bob thing raaaa" mumble mumble mumble... Somebody's kid kindly pointed out that I didn't know the words, just in case anyone hadn't noticed, and kept telling me what they were. Not that I could remember. I was so mortified and paralysed with fear that it was all a hideous blur. And I had to do it FOUR FUCKING TIMES. Jesus Christ and all the baby orphans that was bad.
Anyway, here's a bit of the crowd out on the lawn

And here's our ace Android snowman

As a final touch, they sent one of the Google Street View cars past to film us all - so we're all going to be immortalised for posterity on street view outside Building 44. That was pretty cool. Apart from the fact I was dressed in a hideous cardigan with Christmas trees on it, a big scarf and fucking reindeer antlers. Other than that, it was pretty cool. Here it is going past -

I have no idea who that man looking at me is. Or how he sneaked in not dressed like a twat.... So there you go. Two utter humiliations in one week. Well done me. I'll be glad to get out of here! Can't believe I've only got two more days to go at work. And then I'm in London and flying solo. Still have a few things to learn before I go, so have a hectic couple of final days trying to cram it all in. Should be OK.
If not I'll just have to come back in the New Year. That said, my calendar appears to be rapidly filling up for January already. Not that I'm complaining. It's good to be busy once more.
Will hopefully write some more before I leave. Need to finish my packing and sort a few final things out, but will definitely try and get some more photos before I go. There's a ball pool somewhere we need to find. And hopefully the Google photo booth will be working again soon.
West Coast lovin' to you all
H xxx

Jingle Bells, my hat smells...

Apologies for the radio silence over the weekend, but I've been right poorly. a bad headcold turned into some 24 hour vomitathon, which pretty much wiped out my weekend. Not good. Here I am feeling sorry for myself -

I had made it out the apartment on Saturday to see the eclipse that we'd been promised, and it was pretty spectacular with the sun/moon turning red and a weird eerie light everywhere. Obviously my shitty camera on my iphone couldn't capture it. So here's a photo from the Daily Mail to show it in all its full beauty above the Golden Gate Bridge....

Very cool. Anyway, my weekend went rapidly downhill from then on in. Which meant I was a bit dopey and vulnerable this morning. This is the only explanation I can give for what happened next.... I usually get in earlier than most, as I'm not travelling in from San Fran, and therefore not subject to the inherent problems of rush hour commuting. Anyway, this woman came round the office needing people to appear in the Android Xmas video. A couple of people who were also in early and who sit next to me agreed to do it, so it seemed churlish to refuse. I mean, I'm about to leave the country, so some small internal email will be amusing, but I won't be in the same office any more for people to take the piss out of me. So I agreed to turn up in reception at 10am for filming.
Anyway, I turned up, but not many other people did. And then they decided they only needed 4 people, and lucky me got picked. And then the full horror of the situation came to light. The Android Xmas card is usually seen by a few million people and gets put up on YouTube and sent around. So no chance of running back to England to avoid it. This thing is global. Then to make matters worse, I found out I had to sing. Jingle Bells. And dress up as a carol singer. This was so far beyond my comfort zone that I started to totally freak out inside, while trying to remain calm on the outside. Not good.
First stop was wardrobe, where there were so many delightful garments to choose from -

I say choose, but actually some woman just started pulling things off the rail and making me try them on. None of them looked good. She gave me this furry hat, and when I tried it on I commented on the fact that it smelt pretty bad. Turned out it was her hat. I think that was the point she decided to make me look as ridiculous as possible....  Next stop was make-up, where they seemed to want to turn me orange with big red clown cheeks. Always a good look, especially as I didn't have any make up remover and it was 10am and I was going to be stuck with the look all day.... And finally I had to see the soundman, who put earpieces in me, which he taped to side of my head (I say head, it was actually mostly my fucking hair), and miked me up. Oh yeah. Microphones. So even if I just mumbled, they could amp it up. The earpieces had the music for a verse and chorus of Jingle Bells playing on a continuous loop. So that wasn't annoying at all.... Anyway, here I am in all my glory

Luckily it's not like the location was somewhere really public, like the main lobby of our building or anything... Oh...

With all the studio lights, it was pretty warm in there. Added to that the thick woolly clothes and massive fur hat and I was soon sweating like a knacker. I got kitted out first as well, so my humiliation and discomfort was the longest. We all ended up having to stand outside to avoid passing out from the heat, cos our hats were covering up earpiece and microphone wires and holding things in place, so we couldn't take them off. Santa was in an even worse state than us, as he had loads of padding too. He wasn't a Google employee, and was a bit strange. When I was taking photos, and he didn't have his wig and beard and hat on, he seriously asked me to show him some respect and courtesy and not take pictures of him "half done". Like this one....

Maybe he was the real Santa. In which case I've royally fucked up my chances of presents this year. But the real Santa would have a real beard and belly. That said, when he was all dressed up and in full character, he was jolly and much happier about having his picture taken....

Anyway, once we were all ready, we were on set and ready for action. This basically involved the four of us singing Jingle Bells repeatedly while they filmed us from various angles, all holding the latest Xoom tablets with the lyrics on (nice bit of Android product placement!). We even had to do mad laughs after the "laughing all the way line". I died a little bit inside every time I had to do one. And then got told off by the director for not making my laughs hearty enough. I really wasn't feeling it.... I'm sure I just look like a right mental. Even worse, the guy next to me was singing really out of tune, which was totally putting me off. At least I think it was him that was off key... Maybe it was me....
We then had to change back into our normal work clothes and do some acting. Brilliant. Just what I wanted to do after getting horrific hat hair from sweating in a big fur hat for half an hour. I'm not entirely sure what I was doing by this point as I think I was so appalled by what I was doing that I had some weird out of body experience so I would never know what actually happened. Apart from when the video comes out. Obviously. My discomfort was totally off the scale.
And then everyone else got let go. Apart from me. I think this was my punishment for saying the hat smelt bad and taking photos of Santa off duty. I had to get dressed up again, so they could do some over the shoulder shots of me holding the tablet, so they could edit some content onto them. Probably my name and address and phone number so people can randomly contact me to laugh at me.
And that was it. All done. Remind me never to volunteer to do anything ever again. Ever. No matter how much of a good idea it seems at the time. To make matters worse, it took up the whole morning, and I had loads of work to do, so it meant I was crazy busy all afternoon. At least there was strawberry and green tea fro yo at lunchtime to cheer me up. It does look a bit like a turd in this picture though -

Did a load of work, then popped over to Charlie's Cafe late afternoon as for some random reason the Filipino Googler Network had got Apl.de.ap from the Black Eyed Peas to DJ for us. Here's a rubbish photo of him - let's be honest he could be anyone stood in front of a picture of Apl.de.ap...

It was 4pm and he had a full on rave set going on. And weirdly there was loads of mad dancing going on. In the middle of the day. It was good fun, and once again somewhat strange. Here's a slightly better photo -

So that was my decidedly odd day. Only four more to go and then I'll be flying home for Xmas. And to find out what craziness the London office holds. Can't wait!
Hopefully tomorrow will be a little more subdued.
H xxx

These are a few of my favourite things...

Evening all! Friday night and I'm in my PJs already and it's not even 10pm. I've changed... It's been a REALLY long week and my poor old brain is now full, so I'm having a quiet one tonight. Planning on going out and about at the weekend, so tonight I recharge and sleep.
Got loads of photos today, although I do worry that if I post them all now I won't have anything more to share with you next week. Oh well, I'm sure I'll find something! There are vast areas still to explore! It's just finding the time in daylight to do so. And not trying to look like too much of a Google geek running about taking pics of everything... Woke up early this morning, so got the shuttle earlier and went and had breakfast then played some pinball. I love this one -

Although it isn't as good as either the Star Wars or Addams Family ones that they had in the Kosy Korner back home. Or Fish Tales which used to be in the Salisbury in Manchester. Still, it's FREE, so obviously it has its plus points... Next stop was the Micro Kitchen for some liquid refreshment for the day....

Hmmm... what to have... This'll do for starters....

From the left - some weird Japanese drink that tastes like bubble gum and has a marble in the neck. Why? How the fuck should I know?! But it does! It's ridiculously sweet, but does the trick if I'm flagging and need to wake up. In the middle is my fav Diet Mountain Dew. Mmmmm. I shall miss it. And on the right, MetroMint water. It's minty water. I thought it would be rank, but it's actually surprisingly nice and refreshing.

As I had some pages to plan, I thought it would be nice to go and get away from my desk and go and sit in the egg chairs....

The floor is glass, so luckily I had jeans on today -

So, not only do I have to remember not to wear cat socks to work anymore, I also have to remember to wear knickers. So much to remember. It's not surprising my brain feels so full.... Anyway, here I am in my egg, with the toy cat that is on hand for you to live out your Bond villain fantasies. First I do Japan, now I take over the world!!! Mwahahahahahahahahahahaa......

And here's my view as I planned global domination....

Outside on the path are people coming to pose and take photos with all the Android statues outside. There was a steady stream of them while I sat there typing away.
My US equivalent, Michele, brought in Christmas themed Krispy Kreme donuts today. Here's my Snowman...

Mmmmmm Mr Snowman tasted good....

Hardly got a lunch today, as we were stuck in a monumental stream of meetings. Managed to squeeze in some yummy bouillabaisse and a tub of froyo between them, but ate them far too quickly. Decided I would go for a quick walk in the afternoon and try and burn some of it off and enjoy the sunshine. Oh did I mention it's still SUNNY over here?! It's not as warm as it was, but I still went out and about without the need for a coat. Anyway, here's some more of the joys of the Googleplex....
In the underwater themed sculpture park where Lloyd Bridges resides, I found an Android bot ready to go scuba diving....

Then crossed the courtyard outside Charlie's restaurant. This is one of the classic Google shots, apparently...

Walked through the kitchen garden, where Google grows its own herbs and some vegetables and other bits and pieces. There were quite a few people sat in the big wooden chairs working, so didn't feel right taking photos. Plus it smelt bad, so I didn't want to hang around. So, here's a dinosaur and some plastic flamingos instead. Why? I have no idea. I'm starting to become confused by all this stuff. This is a place of work. It should be full of twats shouting at you to work harder. Shouldn't it?! 

Wandered past the beach volleyball sandpit. Resisted the urge to brush up on my skills. By which I mean, building sandcastles. The sand was pretty dry, and I didn't have a bucket and spade, and my freeform skills aren't that great.

Also resisted the urge to get my haircut in the mobile hair salon

There were also loads of signs up around campus today offering free oil changes for cars. I have yet to find the one for free arse wiping, but I'm sure there is one somewhere. Even with the toilets that can clean you up.
Headed over the bridge over Permanente Creek

So here's a definite area where Cambridge wins hands down! Permanente Creek is fucking pathetic when compared to the majestic beauty of the Cam.

You couldn't get a punt down that if you tried! In keeping with the watery theme, I then headed past the sculpture 'No Swimming' - a big silver shark fin, that was last seen at the Burning Man Festival apparently.

Popped into the lobby of the offices next to the fin to take a photo of the slide. What do you mean your office doesn't have a slide in it? What kind of hellhole are you working in?!

And now to my favourite bit of the whole campus - in between the main buildings there are a load of big palm trees that I love. So far nothing has impressed me as much as the view of these lovely trees in the sunshine.

See... Lovely....

I guess growing up in a house called 'Les Arbres' means I have trees imprinted in my DNA. What can I say?! I love trees. And these are particularly splendid trees.
Anyway, it was then a short walk back to the office. Noticed some more non-Android related sculptures outside. Men balancing on their balls....

And finally I was back to the office. Where the Android bot's Christmas wreath was twinkling in the light....

And here's a crap picture of him after dark

iPhone cameras are shit. Not had time to set up my Galaxy Nexus yet, but I'm sure I'll find time this weekend.
So there you have it, a guided tour to the Googleplex.
One week to go and I'll be back to bore you all shitless about it in person. Bet you can't wait!
Loads of love from sunny California
H xxx