No Dignity, No Doubt.

Sorry for not updating this last night, but I had a late one at work. Had to launch a big 99p movie rental promo for the UK Android Store. It should have been pretty straightforward, but as the day progressed I discovered I didn't have all the right passwords or tools at my disposal to get everything done myself. So it all got a bit stressful and the learning curve suddenly got very steep. Added to this the fact that I'd woken up feeling almost hungover - it was that weird feeling that you get when you've done something the night before that you were really ashamed about - like getting hammered and passing out in a pool of your own vomit with your pants round your ankles. For example. Anyway, I've not had a drink since early August, so it obviously wasn't that. It was the shame of song!!
Still all's well that ends well and the thing went live in the early hours of the morning in the UK. It meant I got back late and shattered, and actually with not much to talk about, so no update. However, LOADS has happened today, so I've got lots of photos and some further humiliation to share with you all...
Our building looked like a crime scene this morning, as it was all cordoned off with tape. I did wonder what was going on. Turns out it was being turned into a winter wonderland for the final scene of the Android Xmas Video thing.
By the time we all went out for lunch, the snow machine was in full flow, covering the front low with snow. Not fake foamy stuff, but actual snow!

They obviously had a while to go, so we hopped on Google bikes and headed over to the main building for lunch. I actually managed to find one with brakes. And it was pink. Result.

Went for one of the more healthy options on site - a place called Nourish, that serves really amazing fresh and natural stuff. Trying to start being a bit more healthy now I'm heading home. Convinced I'm going to keel over from a heart attack on Monday morning when I get back on my bike and head to Cambridge train station. There's a good 2 inches of fro yo surrounding my heart at the moment.... Anyway, here's Nourish

As it was such a lovely day (despite the snow!) we sat outside Big Table (one of the other restaurants). In December. It's doing my head in!! Even more nuts, I had to programme some Summer promos for the Australian site today. I have no idea where I am, what time it is, what season it is or anything anymore. I thought Google would make me smarter. It's made me even more dumb... So here's the lovely scene outside Big Table at lunch time

We then went on a hunt to ride the slide, go to the Google photo booth and find other crazy shit. Only the slide was shut and the photo booth wasn't working. Google fail. That's it. I quit! I can't work under these primitive conditions.... Here I am sad that the slide is shut

And here I am in the Google Voice phone booth

By the time we got back to our building, the snow was starting to pile up

They basically made it by loading huge blocks of ice into a chipper machine, which then sprayed snow out. Just like this.... In go the ice blocks

Out comes the snow

It still wasn't ready for us to go and play on, so we went back in to do some work and have pudding. On today's menu was Midnight Pie and Chocolate Shortbread. It's not really surprising my jeans seem to be a little snugger than when I first arrived here....

Some new Android signs have appeared on the landing upstairs. No idea where they came from. But here I am with one, and my plate of pie.

We then got told we could go outside and play in the snow. There was a van giving out gingerbread, hot chocolate, candy canes and other Christmas delights. And then they broke out the wardrobe girls again. Turns out we had to dress up like twats again, but at least this time there were a lot more of us. It could have been worse.... I could have been this person -

I think I got off kind of lightly....

And then it all went wrong again.... They need four people to be human microphones in the crowd for the big finale singalong of Jingle Bells. The soundman recognised me from Monday, and roped me in. We got strategically placed in the crowd, mic'd up, and with earphones with the tune pumping through. So far not so bad. But then they decided that the four of us should lead the singing. By singing the verses on our own, with the rest of the crowd joining in on the chorus. So there I am, stood in a crowd of people having to sing all on my own. I felt so humiliated. My Converse were full of snow and freezing cold. Some little shit kid threw a snowball at me... I was at an all-time low! I also realised halfway through the verse that I didn't know the fucking words after "laughing all the way", and I'd been so traumatised by having to laugh at this point in the singing on Monday, that I'd totally blanked out what happened next. So I'm stood in a crowd of silent people singing as loud as I can with "bells on the bob thing raaaa" mumble mumble mumble... Somebody's kid kindly pointed out that I didn't know the words, just in case anyone hadn't noticed, and kept telling me what they were. Not that I could remember. I was so mortified and paralysed with fear that it was all a hideous blur. And I had to do it FOUR FUCKING TIMES. Jesus Christ and all the baby orphans that was bad.
Anyway, here's a bit of the crowd out on the lawn

And here's our ace Android snowman

As a final touch, they sent one of the Google Street View cars past to film us all - so we're all going to be immortalised for posterity on street view outside Building 44. That was pretty cool. Apart from the fact I was dressed in a hideous cardigan with Christmas trees on it, a big scarf and fucking reindeer antlers. Other than that, it was pretty cool. Here it is going past -

I have no idea who that man looking at me is. Or how he sneaked in not dressed like a twat.... So there you go. Two utter humiliations in one week. Well done me. I'll be glad to get out of here! Can't believe I've only got two more days to go at work. And then I'm in London and flying solo. Still have a few things to learn before I go, so have a hectic couple of final days trying to cram it all in. Should be OK.
If not I'll just have to come back in the New Year. That said, my calendar appears to be rapidly filling up for January already. Not that I'm complaining. It's good to be busy once more.
Will hopefully write some more before I leave. Need to finish my packing and sort a few final things out, but will definitely try and get some more photos before I go. There's a ball pool somewhere we need to find. And hopefully the Google photo booth will be working again soon.
West Coast lovin' to you all
H xxx