No!!! Hat!!!! Til Friday!!

And lo.... on the 300th day since her first interview, Helen finally became a Noogler! Yay!!! Wish I was alert enough to be able to rejoice in the fact, but I am so fucked it's not true. It's been a REALLY long day! Needless to say there are huge parts of it that I can't tell you about, so here's the stuff I can. I appear to have ruined the weather in Mountain Valley, bringing the cold from the UK. Although, it's not as a cold as the UK (I heard of frosts this morning), it was pretty fresh and really misty this morning when I emerged into the half light at just before 7. Waited a while for the bus to turn up to take me to the Googleplex. It was 10 minutes late. It turned out later it wasn't, I'd just been sent a massively out of date timetable. But I won't hold that against anyone....
Of all the companies I've ever worked for, I have to say it's been the most seamless and impressive induction ever. Bearing in mind it took Universal nearly a week to actually get me a laptop, I realise that the bar wasn't exactly set that high, but seriously, everything is so well organised. Have had my photo taken for my 3-D ID card. Great. My nose and fivehead will look even more prominent! What's wrong with 2D?! Got my login, new laptop, all manner of links to explore and a full day of presentations from various areas of the business.
Got to sample some of the legendary cuisine at lunchtime. Blimey! Unbelievably good food! I had giant prawns coated in paprika, with chick peas, tomatoes and assorted meats. And a big mixed fruit smoothie. Apparently most Nooglers put on a fair bit of weight when they start here. Oh dear. That said, my stomach still only seems to be capable of processing one meal a day, so I may escape the Noogler curse!
Plus I also got some exercise in the afternoon. We had a break out to sample some of the fitness facilities, and I volunteered to go for a ride on the Google bikes.

As you can see from my photo (taken later on so I didn't look like a nerd), they are missing one vital component. Brakes. This is because they have coaster brakes - meaning you pedal backwards to make them stop. I'm sure I'd get used to them over time, but it was a bit of a struggle trying to get the hang of them today! Especially as I discovered today, that when I'm freewheeling down a big hill, I apparently tend to try and pedal backwards as a matter of habit. Which is fine on my mountain bike. But obviously not on one of these. Not good.
There is also a bike loan scheme for visiting employees who are here for a few weeks. So I'm going to register for that tomorrow and should hopefully have a bike to get around on in a couple of days. Can't face hiring a car and trying to drive on the wrong side of the road and in a car that's back to front! Too much for my tiny brain to cope with. So pedal power it is for me. Apparently it's possible to bike to the Googleplex from Mountain View via a very nice cycle path without the need to go on the roads - so I'm going to try and suss that out. I miss by bike, so this will be great! Plus it means I can go to a supermarket and just get out and about a bit more. I'm starting to get bored of trips to the dog parlour and the morgue already, and I've only been here a couple of days....
One key observation from today was I appeared to regress as the day progressed. It started off like the first day of Uni - with everyone asking your name, where you're from (although obviously not what A Levels you did), etc. But by the end of the day you feel like an 8 year old as your boss / mentor comes to pick you up and take you to your new home. It's like the end of a kid's party with all the grown ups in coats turning up to pick you up. But with the best goodie bag ever as it's got a MacBook Pro in it and the keys to the Google kingdom!
Best fact of the day - they have heated toilet seats. It's a small thing, but it makes such a difference. Especially after a long cold bike ride round the Googleplex.
Best stat of the day - only 0.5% of people who apply to Google get in. It's easier to get into Harvard. So, as that's clearly now a given for me, I won't need to bother applying ever, as I know I could have got a place there. Clearly. I love my degree in Logic. And I also love feeling valued and appreciated. Warm fuzzy feeling ahoy! I can see how people get sucked into the cult. But I am far too English and cynical for that.
Met lots of French people today, quite randomly, so ended up speaking a lot of French. Haven't done that in a while, but was amazed at how easily I got back into it. At least right until the moment when one of them told me how well I spoke French, at which point I seemed to completely forget everything I'd ever learnt ever. Don't praise me to my face! It makes me feel awkward and I immediately become shit to prove I'm not! Not sure why this happens. But it does.
Finally got to see my new boss for a bit at the end of the day. By which point my brain thought it was 2am and had pretty much reached capacity a few hours earlier. A winning combination. Got the shuttle bus back to my temporary home after waiting 40 mins in the cold and damp cos of my rubbish out of date timetable - here again, everyone was so apologetic about my bad experience. I really didn't mind, but everyone was so nice. It's all quite surreal! Where are the angry shouty twats? I don't miss them, but surely there must be one or two hidden away in cupboards somewhere?!
Sorry there's no Noogler hat photo yet, but we don't get them until Friday when we have TGIF with the founders of the company. If it makes it any better, and even more worth the wait, it would appear you also have to wear some kind of sign around your neck as well. Great. I think the camera on my phone will be miraculously broken on Friday.
No more induction for me tomorrow, as it's all specific to people who will be working in the US, so I'm going to be spending the whole day with my new team and getting to know how everything works. Really excited about getting stuck in finally. Whoop whoop!
So can you tell if it's really me or if I've been replaced by a clone? You decide!
H xxx